Several of my mentors and advisors have commented on the fact that I should play with some writing to accompany my imagery. Here is an attempt – let me know what you think!
The One Who Wasn’t There –
My Mother-in-Law, Stella Bymakos-Ross, was a wonderful, difficult, and tortured woman. My husband and I met in elementary school, and Stella was the Mom in our community that everyone loved to hate. She was loud, opinionated, politically incorrect, and not intimidated by anyone or anything. She attended parent-teacher conferences, school board meetings, city council meetings, and any other meeting in town where she felt that she could make an impact on her life, or that of her children, and she would speak her mind, loudly, about whatever issues were at hand! Her children were often horrified to see her coming into the school building, or hollering at the umpire or coach at a game. When my husband and I started to date in high school, my Father said to me “Have you met his mother?” Her reputation was as loud as she was in our community.
As years went by, and my husband I began to fall in love and develop a serious relationship, I went through many serious ups and downs with Stella. She was threatened by me, angry at me, and sometimes loving and proud of me. She wanted to be my friend, and could also be my worst enemy. My parents were occasionally fearful of her tirades, and I found her to be a real mystery and never knew where my relationship stood with her. Steve, her oldest son, and my then boyfriend – now husband of 30 years – always told me to ignore her, and to just stay our of her way. He said that their family never knew what would set her off, and that she was “moody”. Years later, after a LOT of drama, a bitter divorce from my husband’s father after 27 years of marriage, and even an incident of setting items in the house on fire, we learned that Stella was bi-polar and that her moodiness was actually a severe chemical imbalance that had tormented her for years. The daughter of Greek immigrants, her family NEVER discussed any illness or weakness, and certainly nothing that could fall into the category of mental illness. She fought her diagnosis and treatment, but at the urging of her children, and in hopes of maintaining a relationship with them into their adulthood, she did finally seek treatment.
Age and treatment changed Stella. She was calmer, and she was a truly loving grandmother as her extended family grew over the years. My children loved playing games and reading with her. They did not see the volatile woman that I had known from the past. She was a cheerleader of all that her grandchildren did, and was kind and generous with them. Her tumultuous past turned into a sad future, as she battled dementia and heart disease. It was hard to visit her in the assisted living facilities in her later years, as she did not like being there, she did not feel well a lot of the time, and each successive visit proved to be filled with more confusion and memory loss.
Upon her death, while going through her belongings and sorting things out, we discovered a key to a safety deposit box. A trip to the bank and opening of the box unveiled some family photos, letters and documents from her divorce, and a bank statement. She had been setting aside money for years. It was her hope that she could take her children and grandchildren to Greece, to see where her family had come from and to learn about their Greek Heritage. She did not get to accomplish this goal in her lifetime, and it was her hope that upon her death, that her 3 children would honor her wishes and use the funds she had set aside to take her family on this pilgrimage to Greece.
After 18 months of planning and coordinating the schedules of 13 people, we honored her mission. Her 3 children, their spouses, and our collective 7 grandchildren (ranging in age from 15 to 25) took the trip that Stella had only dreamed about. We visited Greece, and took several tours learning about the culture and the amazing history of this beautiful country. We immersed ourselves in the food, and connected with distant relatives still living in the villages that several generations of Stella’s family are from. It was a deeply meaningful trip for all 13 of us. We discussed feeling her presence along the way, and we all believe that she knows that we took this trip, and that she was watching over us. We visited several Greek churches and lit candles in her honor. We toasted to her, told stories about her, and said prayers for her. It was just so deeply sad that she was the only one who wasn’t there……..
Cindra Lyn Ross Photography 